“Say your sorry.”

“Now, accept his apology.”

Lessons about forgiveness start at a very early age. At least the formalities of forgiveness start at an early age. Any parent who has tried to coax a child to forgive a sibling knows that while the words, “I’m sorry” and “It’s OK, I forgive you” may be uttered from the mouths of babes, the narrow-eyed, mumbled, nose-flaring delivery belie the fact that forgiveness is not necessarily a heart decision. More a formality executed to comply with parental demand.

The reality is that many people bring that same mindset with them into adulthood.

We say we forgive – but we revisit the wound and pick at it until it’s raw. We say we forgive –  but we hold onto resentment, and bitterness grows and its toxic poison seeps throughout our lives. We say we forgive –  and then are angry when the other person doesn’t “accept” our forgiveness.

We look at forgiveness incorrectly.

I hit this “aha” moment in my own life several years ago. And it came in the middle of saying a prayer I’ve said for decades. I think you’ll find it familiar:

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

My “aha” moment? Did I REALLY want God to forgive me as I forgave others?

Short answer: No.

I realized that if God forgave me in the same way I forgave others (or myself) that He was keeping a pretty impressive list of indictments seasoned with bitterness and resentment.

That singular (and I believe God-sent moment) changed everything for me in terms of how I thought about forgiveness. And it began for me a deep searching to understand what God says when He talks about forgiveness in scripture.

We’ll explore that in the next post.

Blessings,

K.