Why is it hard to forgive?

I’ve been reflecting on this question. We know forgiveness is something we are supposed to do – we’re taught that from an early age. We know it’s the RIGHT thing to do. We know that when we wrong someone and THEY forgive US that we feel an incredible sense of lightness and freedom.

So why don’t we forgive more easily?

In my last post on this subject I decided to explore what God’s word says about forgiveness. I came to this idea since my own “aha” moment about forgiveness came from hearing the “Our Father” in a whole new way.

Today I was thinking it would be a good idea to view the scripture passage concerning that prayer in the context of the chapter in which it is presented in the Bible. I’m choosing Matthew chapter six for this exercise.

Here’s what caught my interest.

In this particular chapter Jesus’ instruction about how to pray comes sandwiched between some other lessons on humility, values, and control. The instruction on praying what we now know is the “Our Father” comes in verses 9 – 13. In verses 1 -8 we learn from Jesus that we need to be humble and not self-seeking. He instructs us to give alms, but not to make a big deal of it. He tells us to pray but not to be sanctimonious about it. In verses 14-21 the lessons on humility continue when He instructs us to fast but not to be hypocritical in the way we fast. He closes this lesson by saying (v. 21), “For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” In other words what we focus on (e.g. what we value is a good indicator of where our true feelings/priorities lay.)

Then the lessons turn more specifically to values, priorities and control. In verses 22-24 we hear that “the lamp of the body is the eye” (vs. 22), and if our “eye is bad” then we will be filled with darkness. We’re told that we can’t serve two masters. Here the specific context is God vs. money – but “masters” come in many shapes and sizes – like resentment and grudge-holding. We are told specifically in verses 25-34 not to worry. Worry adds nothing to our lives and God’s love for us is so specific that He knows what we need and intends to provide it. Our job is NOT to worry and to “seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness” – and the rest will be given us.

And that concludes chapter six. But wait. The first line of chapter 7? “Stop judging, that you may not be judged.”

So here in Matthew forgiveness – found in the “perfect prayer” that Jesus gives to us – is sandwiched between lessons on humility, values, priorities, control – and a specific injunction against judgment.

And when we think on why we don’t forgive – ourselves for past mistakes, or others – I wonder whether the heart of the matter lies in these very things….

• We don’t forgive because of our pride and hurt feelings
• We don’t forgive because of our values – or our perception of our values’  (right & wrong, justified behavior, etc) worth is out of balance.
• We invest in our anger and self-righteousness – our priorities are out of whack.
• We think we have “control” because being wronged gives us a warped sense of power over another that we may or may not “deem” to forgive.
• We don’t forgive because we’re judging the motives/intentions/actions of the other.

How does this list sound to you? Might you pray for God to show you if these are things in your heart that He can heal – so that you can realize the power that forgiveness can bring to your life?